Have I Ever Pt 1.

Have I ever told you,
I find peace and tranquility among the greens.
The morning rays peek subtly,
Gazing at the gleam,
Grey things golden seem.

Have I ever told you,
Every day’s a battle facing down inner demons.
I pace within a confine space,
Seeking solace only in my imagination,
An unreal fictitious picture palace.

I see your face.

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Years And Years.

You say I write the saddest poems,
They can only be because of you.
I never knew how my life could be so intertwined with another,
Till that day you shed light what needed to go.

Years and years you were all I know,
More than a lover you were my soul.
My heart aches for what has become,
Old and trashed, new sparkles gold.

You seem to be pacing your new journey,
With an open mind every day a surprise.
Your music sings your insatiable desires,
Quenched by new beginnings, that thirst your lust for more.

The hardest part of all is to see you walk away,
There’s nothing I can do.
Those bittersweet memories,
I’m still loving you.

Life in Mono – Alice Band remix

Missing.

What lips my lips have kissed
My heart yearns for my love I’d missed
Sadness in smiles happiness in sorrows
Tears to sleep to suppress an inferno
I remember your embraces your gentle caresses
I see your face, an illusion
An empty emotion lost in delusions

Takayama.

If I could travel the world with you again, the next shortlisted destination will be to Takayama, Japan. I’d liked to hold your hand and walk through the well preserved old town lined with shops, houses and sake breweries from the Edo period, taking in the sights and sounds. We should go in fall where the day is short and the night is long, where every leaf speaks bliss, fluttering from the autumn trees. The Hachiman festival, the festive boats and Karakuri performances, I want to experience them all with you. Let’s stay in an onsen ryokan and go for a pleasant walk, the Higashiyama Yuhodo, passing through temples and shrines.

I will walk as far as my legs can take me to see the spectacular mountain scenery and the alpine flora at Kamikochi with you.

Autumn:

Fall leaves fall,
The autumn foliage hue,
Shortened day, lengthened night,
Withered weeds resonates for you.
Dry leaves sweep the ground,
A lonesome rustling sound,
The robins sing and I may smile,
A wreath of snow, coming winter’s mile.

This Day.

The room is cleared of your belongings. You’ve packed your bags and left a space we have shared for almost 3 years. I understood our final conversation and I understood you needed space from me. I love you and there’s no one else I’d rather be with. I hope you can feel it.

I wish to believe that you still feel the same for me and if we are to be together again, we need do it differently this time. It will be an excruciating no contact period and I’m not even sure if I can heal completely to the point of dating someone that I don’t need. Or to be happy with myself and not because of. Or to love myself more than you. I’ve questions and doubts but at this juncture, I’d rather not think about them anymore.

When you called me affectionately, I broke down. When we hugged, I could feel your warmth. When I kissed you, I sensed a reluctance to reciprocate.

With deepest regrets, I’m sorry for the hurt I’d caused you. I wanted to bring you happiness but I’d brought you pain, tensions and unnecessary stress. I’ve failed you.

Now, I’m doing what is supposedly right to tune the wrongs. No one can explain the complexities of love. As ironic as it is, if being apart strengthens our love for each other, I will do whatever it takes to be away.

I really missed you. I really wish to believe you will come back.

With Love,

A.

M.

My love, holding on will only make you more determined to leave. You’ve the ability to detach and block all emotions. Once your mind is made, nothing could change. Today, you had a fence around. I paced around you and it felt awkward. Your eyes were cold, I froze. I wanted to feel you but you wouldn’t let me near.

I want to believe that you are on a quest of finding your own identity and happiness at your own terms. And keeping your mind open in all aspects on what may come. Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can come together.

I want you to be happy. If the only way is to let go, as painful as it is, I have lied my way through.

I’ve come to terms with us. You’re keeping an open mind, I’m keeping an open heart.

Never did and never could.

The Sloop.

I imagine my love to be a sailboat. Let’s call her the modern sloop. This type of sailboat is a simple configuration of a single mask and two sails. Most effective when travelling upwind – against the wind.

She has the sexiest vinyl transfers on her sails, like tattoos on a curvy body. If you have not been to Canada, other than Calgary, see attachment. Ready to set sail for the seven seas and beyond. She is at leisure, cruising speed, the world is at her keel. Enjoying the sun, the breeze, the sights and the calming sounds of the waves.

I am like this ancient looking port along an inaccessible coast. Though worn due to occasional storms and rough waters, minimal amenities such as fresh water, food and shelter are readily available. The sloop has docked at me for awhile where she roams. At sea now and I am missing her, hope she remembers home.

Modern Sloop