18th May.

Psychotherapy sessions have stopped this week, the 3 main stressors remain as so. I have accepted dysthymia as part of my life. Because of it, episodes of happiness are more than precious.

Is there justice? I question its existence frequently. It seems as though justice is only a foundational idea. We want to be treated fairly but it can only be a theory and it will always be limited in a semi-autocratic yet seemingly democratic arena. In the quest of it, to stand up for what I believe in, I am systematically weighed down. I choose not to anymore.

The tension with my family, with both parents, especially with my mum, has eased a little. I detest and resent their expectations of me even till today. No child should be shaped and molded like a product. I’m conscience clear of my filial duties but I will not hesitate to walk away from emotional blackmail. Will I regret if they pass on? My question is reflective. Will they regret if I pass on.

I love you mum. But I can never be who you want me to be.

Some families do not celebrate occasions because there isn’t a need to, every day is happiness. I do because my family is broken. Tough love, complicated and sensitive. The need for family therapy, work in-progress.

Love isn’t blind and unconditional, valuable lessons learned. It is very conditional. It was never meant to be, what more to say.

I bought a 990sqft home and my ideal interior design would be minimalist black and white. It’s small but I am already contented. I’ve always wanted a home filled with happiness because home is where the heart is. Looking forward.


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