First it’s heart palpitations followed up immense anger and I can feel my body temperature rising. I start to perspire uncontrollably and my vision will blur. My body trembles and my mind goes on a mass assault. The aftermath, my mind turns into a marsh, blankness and my body weakens. Then an immense feeling of dysphoria and I will either feel nauseous or I will hyperventilate.

In this past week, I could not function. Still can’t. Work is piling and my attention span is short. My vision is constantly blur and it is affecting my driving. I think I have most of the symptoms of someone in depression. I will go about my day aimlessly routinely completing errands of the day. I have stopped all new business inquiries and I am struggling to focus on current jobs. My addiction to nicotine doubled and I give in to negative thoughts. My room is my sanctuary but it is also a living hell.

The rashes on my skin do not seem to go away. Can’t be sure if it’s under the category of self-harming but when I bleed from excessive scratching, there is a sense of euphoria.

S recommended medication. I’m familiar with prozac and its side effects. I know what the doc will prescript. 20mg Prozac 150mg Welbuterin. It’s going to impair my thinking but at least it makes me sleep. It could be good.

No one affects me the way she does. The pain, I don’t even know where to start.


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